What I learned at the Public Pool

-There are five of us and we need 27 towels.
Someone always manages to spill a drink on one. Someone blows nasal mucus on another. Someone uses one to wipe the ketchup from their mouth and hands and then to wipe boogers on. One is sopping wet immediately, as soon as we walk through the gate to go into the pool area, it’s just dripping. Idk how that happens but it does every single time. It’s some kind of sorcery. All in all we leave with two loads laundry that’s nothing but towels and we don’t even have one left dry enough to sit on in the car.

-My 12 year old isn’t shaving very well. Nuff said.

-There are always kids that need to be disciplined.
This isn’t just the pool, it’s everywhere. Maybe it’s just more obvious at the pool bc people think all the kids are loud….and screaming obscenities….or shoving people out of the way. Just heads up, all the kids aren’t acting like that and it’s not a crime to tell your kid they are being obnoxious and loud and to please stop bc this is a public area where other people would very much like to enjoy the day minus your child eating a peanut butter sandwich in the kiddy pool while screaming, “NO” and the parent or guardian telling them to get out.

-I’m not shaving very well. ‘Nuff said.

-No matter how much coffee you had this morning it was certainly not enough.

-That shaved ice is a suitable meal replacement anytime the temperature reads 80 degrees and above.

-People have no concept of other people’s breathing.
If you are spraying sunblock, deodorant, perfume, etc. into the air within ten feet of other people you are too close. Do that in another area. Do that before you leave your home. Do it in your car. It’s rude. Not to mention we don’t use toxic sunscreen and strongly dislike being subjected to someone else’s. May as well light up a smoke while they are at it.

-The sun shows each and every hair I’ve ever missed while doing any form of hair removal.
It’s the ultimate magnifying glass. Just walk outside and take a mirror. YIKES! Right? I suggest we just ignore the issue and decide to not care. Isn’t there bigger problems in the world than that one spot on my ankle I can’t ever seem to get bare?

-Children have no concept of who they are grabbing in the water.
I’m pretty sure I was slightly fondled by a cute little boy with floppy goggles but I can’t be absolutely positive. He certainly didn’t care that I missed a few spots shaving.

-Children also do not see size, shape, weight, or color.
Today I watched my children play with total strangers of mixed all of the above and they never even noticed. In fact all that was noticed was how nice this person was or how loud that person was. Nothing was said about anything to do with any of that above. I think we should strive to behave as such.

-If you plan on going to a birthday party at seven and take your kids three hours early take into consideration that your son is part albino and despite any and all attempts to not let him burn in the sun you really only have a certain amount of time to swim before you have to leave with or without the party being attended.

-Somehow I spent 18$ on junk food and have nothing to show for it besides a bloated stomach that normally only eats gluten free, organic stuff.
I seriously look four months pregnant and all I had was one slice of cheese pizza and water…..and that shaved ice….and some chips…..and a lemonade. Maybe I’m not being honest with myself. Time to oil up.

-That my soon to be five year old is a dare devil who would’ve learned to swim if we went more often.
I used to take the kids swimming once a week all summer. I haven’t since the third was born. It’s a lot of work. Packing, sunblocks, suits, towels, the drive is about an hour one way and then the constant “ping pong ping” of my head between the three kids while wondering if there are any registered sex offenders at the pool. Wondering about the boys bathroom when my son goes. The sad part is I think my youngest would’ve learned to swim like a fish if I’d make the effort to go more often. Today she went down the “big slide” all by herself and then spent some time practicing without her floats. It’s one of those, I’m so proud of her and I also feel like a mom failure bc she clearly needs more time to work  on it and I simply don’t have that time

L-Most importantly, I learned that we need our own pool.


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