The Tooth Fairy is a Meanie

Once upon a time…..

When my older two kids were smaller the tooth fairy left gifts instead of money. I’d purchase a little something here or there and put it back to have on hand and the tooth fairy would leave a trial of glitter that never ever came off the floor entirely. You know, bc life isn’t hard enough without sprinkling glitter onto things on purpose.

Every tooth was a surprise for them. For some reason I only remember two times in detail. One was the first tooth Lennon lost. I can’t remember what he got but I remember that Drew was five or so and she got a Yoshi action figure which she loved so much and we had picked out and hid in our closet for months. The next one I remember is for a totally different reason. It’s because it was the day the tooth fairy was exposed for what she truly is, a big meanie.

Drew had lost a tooth. It was late one night and I was pregnant with our third and final child. She came to me bleeding and holding the tooth in a paper towel. It was just before bed. I congratulated her. Hugs, kisses, She went to bed. I fell asleep.
Yep, I FELL ASLEEP. I forgot. I laid in bed and thought. I have that tiny teacup pig toy in the closet for her, I need to get it and wrap it and hide it and dust glitter every where like an insane woman and then I passed out. It’s not like I had a child inside me sucking the life out of my very being, or that I was in college and took 16 hours that semester. It’s not like I had two other children to take care of. I was tired. I didn’t forget. I was just tired. I woke up to the sound of screaming.

“I HATE THE TOOTH FAIRY! SHE FORGOT ME. SHE. FORGOT. ME.”

Our bedroom is on the opposite side of the house from Drew and Lennons. Their rooms are side by side and there is a hallway separating them. I could hear the screaming from my bedroom. I frantically wrapped that plastic pig and ran to her, “oh no. She didn’t. She just got confused and left it in our room instead.” My heart was pounding. The fear of her tiny angry face was unbelievable. She was standing a the end of the hallway between her door and Lennons door. She was screaming and inconsolable. She took the gift and calmed down a bit. She opened it and started screaming again, “I HATE THIS. I WANTED THE TEA CUP PUPPY. TELL HER TO TAKE IT BACK!”

I’d bought that pig about two months prior to this and not only did I not have a receipt but I also bought it on clearance for a mere two dollars. I’d waited patiently to give it to her thinking she’d truly enjoy it. And let’s face it, 2$, you can’t really go wrong. Right? Wrong.

“You can’t return tooth fairy toys. It’s a gift. You get what you get and you don’t get upset” I said. She wailed. She screamed. I tried, “there is nothing we can do. Look. The pig is very cute.” She kept it up. A full ten minutes of trauma went on. She was being a brat. It went on for a while longer until…..I’m not sure why but I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and….

“YOU KNOW WHAT. YOU’RE BEING A SPOILED BRAT AND THERE IS NO TOOTH FAIRY. IT IS ME. I BOUGHT ALLLLLL THOSE GIFTS AND NOW I’M TAKING THIS AWAY FROM YOU!” She screamed, “YOU LIED TO ME!” There was some back and forth I’m not proud of and then she slammed her door.

Lennon immediately opened his, sobbing, and screamed, “I KNEW IT!!!”

Just FYI. I have that tiny pink pig in my possession today. She’s begged for it a few times and I fully intend on keeping it. I may even need to be buried with it.

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Charlene Mason says:

    Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive

    Like

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