The Alien Conspiracy

Once upon a time…

My middle child was the baby one at this juncture and I was a single mom. We had moved in with my folks and I was separated from my (then) husband. My parents house had two bedrooms on one end and a short hallway to the living room. Both of my children were sleeping and I was watching a show about aliens on one of those “educational” channels.

The man who was being interviewed was giving his account of how he was abducted. It was something like, “I was in bed and I heard a dragging noise and then a thump,” he demonstrated, “drag…thump…drag…thump. And then the alien appeared in my doorway…” I was watching, enthralled.

I was clutching this huge tv remote, all sense of reality gone, terrified. Then from the dark hallway came, “drag…thump…drag…thump.” I sat there frozen in horror listening to, “drag….thump…drag…thump.” I remember clearly thinking, this is it. I’m going to die at the hands of an alien. Then there appeared a small fuzzy purple being and to defend myself and our planet I threw the remote at it. The remote made direct contact with its top part and a sickening noise followed.

Then my tiny three year old daughter let her purple fuzzy blanket slide into the floor and her knees buckled and she said in the most country accent you can imagine, “oh……I peed my-say-elf.” Followed by her tears and my mom guilt.

There were tears, there was a puddle, and there was a small toy stuck under the blanket making a distinct drag noise. It was a moment I told myself she’d be too young to remember.

Why didn’t I win mother of the year that year???  That’s right, ALIENS.


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