A Bird in the Hole 

When my two oldest kids were young we lived with my parents. I moved out of my duplex with my (then) husband and into my parents home. My youngest was 18 months when I left and my oldest was two. I’ve said this a few times before but just in case you don’t follow and read (idk why you wouldn’t. I’m actually very entertaining in a quirky way) I was on the pill both times I got pregnant with them and they are fifteen months apart. People tend to act as if I did that on purpose. I have no idea why anyone would have children fifteen months apart and I didn’t do it by choice. 

So, back to the flashback, they were both small and not in school yet and my parents both worked all day so bathroom breaks for me were taken with the door open. I was engagaing in a rather unladylike like activity in the restroom and I heard Drews tiny voice say, “Do it.” Now, parent or not when you hear a small child say, “do it” in that tone, you know it’s never good. 

Seth replied, “No.”  The voice of reason, my good boy, always thinking of right and wrong. 

Drew said, “No, do it.” 

Seth, “No. I’ll get in trouble .”

Drew, “But it belongs there.”

Seth, “I know it fits but I don’t think it belongs there.”

Here I sit, pants around ankles, in a wondering stupor as to what they are speaking of and I hear Drew say in a harsh whisper,” PUT YOUR BIRD IN THE HOLE.”

I’m not sure what I thought was going on but I have never done the penguin walk so fast. I discovered the two of them staring at the electrical plug in in our bedroom. Seth had a tiny plastic bird whose beak would have fit perfectly inside the third prong hole thing. They jumped when I entered the room. I don’t know if it was the shock of me waddling in or the actual knowing they were in trouble or the fact that I yelled, “DO NOT PUT YOUR BIRD INTO ANY HOLES!”

Today on the way home from school I told them this story and neither of them rembered it and both laughed hysterically. I thought, “I didn’t screw them up nearly as bad as I thought. Maybe they won’t have so much to tell their therapists about…..yet.”


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