The Christmas Schedule

January- Find a few gifts I forgot to give the kids. Decide to make them birthday gifts now. Smallest child is reminded four hundred times a day that we can sing other songs other than Christmas songs now. Buy things on clearance. Lights, gift bags, tape, gift wrap, a few gifts for next year for folks. Store items in a bin clearly marked for Christmas. Wrap the gifts for next year so it’s ready to go. We are gonna be so prepared this December!  I. Got. This.

February- Try to pay bills. When spouse suggests we keep picking things up here and there for this coming Christmas say, “Let’s get through our eldests birthday first”. It’s so cold. Just. Cold all the time and I wonder why we still live here and not anywhere near the equator. There is snow and cabin fever and school will never go back in session!

March- Lennon’s birthday month. Try to pay astronomical electric bill. No extra money. None. We are lucky to be alive.

April- Warmer days. Who cares about planning for winter? Main concern is paying for vacation somewhere nice.

May- Middle child’s birth month. No extra money. Zero dollars. Try to save every dime for whatever vacation we can possibly scrape up.

June- Schools out. My kids eat non stop and leave a path of destruction in their wake. Our grocery bill triples.

July- It’s so warm and we can swim and we go on vacation and we lay in the sun and we come home broke beyond belief but just so darn happy and refreshed. Holiday? What? No. Don’t remind me that in a few months my car doors will freeze shut and I’ll lose feeling in my toes. No. Just sunshine and flip flops.

August- School goes back in. I’ll have so much time to craft things for gifts and wait, I also need to work….I got plenty of time to work on crafty things. It’s technically still summer. I may get a gift here or there. Maybe, but probably not.

September- Start pinning crafty ideas, gifts that I think people will enjoy. Say things out loud such as, “This year I’m gonna really do it up right!” And, “This is my year! I’m gonna do one hand crafted gift and one store bought gift for each and every person!” I’m even gonna get gifts for our cats!

October- My hubs asks, “how we doing on our Christmas stash?” and a slow panic sets in. My heart begins to race a little. How could this have happened?! Begin online shopping. Smallest child begins to sing non stop Christmas songs.

November- Say to husband, “how are we gonna pull this off? Three kids?!?! What we we thinking?!?!” I begin planning my schedule carefully and trying to make all the various holiday hoopla for five people fit into one schedule that will work. Sometimes things get cut due to if I go to that it will be our third social engament that day and I’m gonna be a hateful animal if I show. So it’s better for everyone if the grinch goes home and tries to clean her house instead of spreading anxiety.  Decide to let go of several projects I had planned because I need to be sane.

December- Run. All the time. Run. Hide gifts from snoopy kids. Look at Pinterest board and feel like a loser because I never made those ornaments for each and every person. Parties. Gatherings. Money money money. Try to keep kids happy and well slept and just, well. Someone has an earache and needs oil. Someone has a cough and needs supplements. It’s cold. Car doors frozen. When I go outside my response is always, “WHY DIDNT WE MOVE TO ARUBA THIS SUMMER?”every single night and day are full to the brim. Realize I gotta go buy gift wrap and tape because I can’t find that dumb bin marked “Christmas” from last year. Also I have to unwrap each prewrapped gift becaus I can’t remember what’s in it. Assure myself that I will do better next year. Buy cat food and think, “Merry Christmas fluffy pants…you get to live here for free.”

Post holiday- house is a waste land. I promise to do better next year. I swear it. I find the missing gift wrap along with the wrap from the two previous years. And a gift that I forgot to give one of David’s random family members. Wonder how I’ll get it all back together before school starts again. 




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