Someone needs to teach me how to after Christmas. 

I get in a mood to take down my tree the day after. It takes me a couple hours of packing each ornament into a box labeled with each kids name. We have found this is the easiest way to do this and although it’s time consuming while taking things down it makes putting it up next year much easier. Why does it take so long? you might ask. Because, my dear, I’m interrupted roughly three hundred times to get chocolate milk, answer a business call, put a cat out, start a load of laundry, ask my teenager if he took his vitamins, and to restart the internet so it connects to my other child’s laptop. 

Then I go through my house and put away things that are too Christmas. Red and green? Into the box. Santa? See ya! I like to leave things out that are winter. Here in eastern KY we have winter weather for three to four more months and I like having some snowmen that are wearing blue or some things of that sort out. This takes me weeks. WEEKS. Last year I left one snowman out and found him in August. He was just hanging there. I just left him. I figured if I’m the only one that noticed him all year and it took me eight months to do so he could just hang around till spring 2017. 

Boxes. Three kids means loads of boxes and gift wrap and bags. We reuse bags of coarse but sneaky kids means I have to wrap, and wrap means paper waste. A pile taller than me that I burn. It accidentally included a clear plastic insert that held a rare limited edition Optimus prime in his box. “I’m sorry I’m a terrible mother. You can tell your further therapist all about how I destroyed your life,” those were my exact words to my son after I apologized profusely for mistaking garbage for garbage. He didn’t get upset. He just moped around for hours. 

Returns. My kids are odd. They love to return things they won’t use and get more things. It’s odd. It’s like….they are me. I hate the actual return process. It makes me nervous. There are five of us so there is generally a large amount to return. But the minute they give me the loaded gift card I’m so relieved. 

I resist the urge to throw everything in the trash and start over. I imagine that if I were wealthy I’d just donate all our old belongings after Christmas and start fresh. 

My house. I’m not sure  how it happened this year. I cleaned for days leading up to Christmas and somehow it still happened. It’s like the house somehow doubles the dishes to wash and dirty laundry and somehow all the dirt and dust from under things multiplies and it crawls out onto my freshly swept floor. This phenomenon is known as Christmas vomit in my house. We say, “yeah. I know. I don’t have the Christmas vomit cleaned up yet.”

The exhaustion. How is it that dressing normal and pretending to be an adult for the holidays is so hard?  Is it the small talk? Is it the not getting upset when that one relative says something about how you look too skinny as you eat your second dessert? It’s not like we didn’t sleep during the rush. I just don’t know how this happens. 

The kids. This year I developed an eye twitch after a week and a half of three kids at home. I love those kids and if I have to say, DONT RUN IN THE HOUSE. One more time……

Any one else in this predicament?  


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