I started a faux social media account years ago for reasons I won’t discuss here. To be honest I found it fun but kind of silly. I wanted to scream at people, YOUR HUSBAND IS IN THE ROOM. TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM NOT ALL OF FACEBOOK. I made a vow to never do a few things on social media. Some of those things I’m guilty of and some I’m not guilty of. Here are my rules.
No chain letters. None. Not one. Ever. You can send them all you want with all those compliments and copy pasted sugar coated falsities. I’m never going to send them anyone else. At best I’ll repy, “thanks” or “oh how sweet” or something like that. I’m never sending anything to twenty seven people in hopes of getting rich in twenty seven hours. I’m never sending a picture of a bouquet to the one hundred best moms I know. Feel free to send them to me if you want to become wealthy in twenty seven hours but know the chain stops with me. I’m the last link.
No fake cancer awareness. Ladies, what the heck? Making cancer into a game or a joke or a vague secretive post is not only annoying but I find it pointless. You are not making anyone aware of anything. It’s like going into public and saying, “I just found a squirrel in my car” to strangers. Do they walk away thinking, “ooooo. I probably need my yearly mammogram.” NO. THEY DO NOT. Want people to get pre cancer screenings? Say, “hey, get some precancer screenings.” Post your grandmas breast cancer story. Post pictures of strong women and men receiving chemo. Talk about CANCER.
No politics. I won’t even delve into this. It’s not worth our time. You wanna post politics? feel free. My rule is none and chances are if you posted too many I’ve already hid you anyway.
No pictures of vomiting or pooping kids (or adults). I do not want to see little Susie’s potty with her first poo. I do not want to see the potty, period. I do not want to see vomit. I don’t want to see it at your house or at mine. All the fluids need to be inside in all pics. In fact, I don’t even want to hear about it either, at least not in great detail.
Don’t add people to groups without asking. It’s like saying, “Hey, would you like to come to meeting about life hacks?” And me saying, “No, not really.” Only you already took me there. You said we were going to get tacos and instead we went to a meeting about life hacks. Just ask me so I can lie and say I’m interested and then I will silently leave the group in a month. Btw, that life hack group wasn’t very hacky. There was a sever lack of people hacking at life.
If you run an online business and use your social media account to further your business (like me) and you post more than ten times a day about how great your job is and how your product is better than everything else and how much money you make and the business opportunity I will hide you. I do not care if you are my best friend or my mother. Three posts a day is enough. Five is getting annoying. Ten and you will be hidden. This is why people hate mlms! Because other people won’t stop being pushy. Maybe your brand is fantastic! I’ll never buy it from you because if you’re that annoying on Facebook imagine how annoying you’d be if I purchased something. You are the reason I have people gun shy about changing their whole life with dō Terra. They are so afraid I’m going to chase them to hell and back. Now, I only use Instagram for my business. I have a public fb page and a private group for my business. On occasion my hippy oil love leaks into my private page but it’s few and far between. While we are on that topic. I going to tell you straight up. If you’ve never liked, shared, followed or been kind to me and then you ask me to like, share, follow your fresh new online business page it will not happen. I’m not sorry. I support people who have been kind and supportive and nurturing. I don’t buy pearls or attend a pearl party of someone who never once thought to say thanks when I spent hours researching their oil protocol. I won’t buy leggings from you after you called me fat five years ago….unless they are purple….or have sea turtles on them then I will buy them in a too small size so you see just how skinny I have become. Then I will give them to my teenager and I’ll tell you they fit perfectly. I’ll just leave out the part about who they fit perfectly.
Facebook is never going to give money to anyone. They do not care how many amens or shares that poor baby gets. Stop that.
I will never ever share anything or like anything that says, my -Insert family member here- says I can’t get any likes bc -insert reason here. I’m disabled. Or too old. Or I have Down syndrome. It’s silly. It’s click bait to draw attention to the page. Nor will I tag someone to draw attention to a picture of someone else that is being made fun of. In fact, do that and I’ll unfriend you in real life. That is called bullying and it’s not very nice.
Also why are people vague in Facebook posts? What on earth is that about? “Life is falling apart 😣” Did your cookie fall part or did you catch your husband cheating? Sweetie, I’m gonna need you to be more specific. Do I need to pray for you? Or bring you some more dessert?
If you have been horrible to me in the past do not message me asking why we aren’t Facebook friends. You know why. I know why. Everyone knows why. You do need to read about how much I love coffee, Jesus, cats, leggings, and oils. How will you live without hearing about funny stuff my kids said? You won’t. Your life will be miserable. You are missing out. Probably should’ve been nicer to me years ago. I’m probably gonna write about it and change your name. Keep reading for your debut.
Keep in mind social media is highly adaptable. Hide, block, unfollow, unfriend are all super easy to tap. A lot of things are super easy to ignore altogether. Game requests? Who cares? Exs sister trying to stalk you? Block em. Crazy cousins keep sending you friend requests? Bye bye.
If you are guilty of any of the above I’m probably not following you now and maybe you won’t notice because you aren’t following me. Who knows? I’m still not sorry.