All day long I write things in my head.
I wake up. I slide out of bed before my alarm sounds. I make coffee. I get the older two kids up and make sure they are ready for school. After they leave I workout on gym days or enjoy the silence in my home. Somedays I slip back into bed with my little one. I know our days are numbered in that activity. Somedays I read. Somedays I go ahead and start cleaning or working.
All the time I’m writing a book in my head. There is a narrator. Sometimes it’s my own voice talking. Other times it has this fantastic accent. It really depends on how much British, Scottish, or some other accent I’ve watched or heard too much of recently. There are words I use in my own head I’d never say aloud or in blogging. Words that I love like splendid, wondrous, retchid. I use them in my head and think, I’m going to say that word out loud today. But I never do. Even now the narrator who is British, right this minute, is saying what I’m typing as I type it. I tend to think in book form.
I go through my daily schedule and make the contacts needed. I call the various places to pay bills, make appointments, scedule classes and the narrator is talking. Sometimes the narrator isn’t saying what I’m doing but working on something I need to write. Talking to me in a brainstorming session in the background of my mind. “Someone needs to hear you tell that story…..it hurts but someone needs it…….it may be someone’s life line”. All the while whispering, “write this down……just write right now….don’t wait…..you won’t remember.” as I assure myself I will remember. Once everyone is sleeping tonight I will write. But most of the time I can’t hold on to that string of thought. All the ideas are strung together right then and when I have time they are like a broken beaded necklace. I can almost hear the beads, “ping, ping,ping” hit the floor and bounce over and over and dance in the air and hide from me in every crack and crevice. I can’t retrieve them. Those thoughts are just gone.
One child needs to be picked up and one needs to stay late and one needs to sell things for a fundraiser. One team member messages me a question and another needs business help. My husband needs a clean work shirt and a cat is sick and I still need a shower. I need to make samples vials of oils for a sick family member. I need to order product. I need to do a Facebook live. Did I post in every group today? I need to watch a training video or two.
The narrator keeps talking, “she found herself with words to write and no extra hands to jot this down….” and somehow still whispering, “you should write this down now”. Most days I stifle that voice with reason, someone once telling me writing would never pay my bills. They weren’t wrong. My upline reminder to “do money making activities” and to prioritize what needs to be done, “time management skills” and all those things.
The more I stifle the louder she speaks.