Dose of honest this morning.
This morning I woke up anything but grateful….
Story, my six year old, had tried to nudge me out of bed for about an hour before I got up. I’m out of coffee and had to use the k cup thing and I like my coffee pot better. I checked my sleep on my Fitbit and it said the norm-I average a whole 5 hours or so.
This fall has been terrible and it’s taken a toll on us. Small town eastern KY has not been the best and we’ve found ourselves in the midst of turmoil when it’s not warranted. From our six year old bringing home lice for the fourth time in three weeks to court dates and lawyers, Letcher County Schools has chewed us up and spit us out. Despite all we try to put out there that’s positive and radiant and good we’ve been the victim of a hit and run and there for a bit I got some fantastically poorly written hate messages. (Let me also state those things aren’t even the whole of why it’s been rough but y’all don’t have all day to read a way too long post with me whining. You got turkey to cook and eat and things to buy.)
Today I lay in bed and wallowed. I was not thankful. I did not want to get up. I wanted to just lay here for hours and not move. I hate going out into public right now. I hate putting on pants (ahem, leggings). I feel like a huge failure at everything, motherhood, my businesses, I can barely keep up with a blog! I hadn’t written since this summer! There is no time! I have a lot of work to do on me and hopefully there will be more on that later.
While drinking my first and very large cup of coffee Story interrupted me so many times and I kept putting her off, “let me have my coffee please” and, “I need a few minutes to myself”. Then she came into the bedroom with her head bowed and asked quietly if I’d help her turn on some cartoons. I said, “just grab the iPad and come lay with me” which is mom code for -just don’t make me get out of bed with my coffee.
She said, “but I made myself breakfast, like the preacher said, and I wanted to eat it in the living room while I watch cartoons”. See, here is the thing, out preacher gave a message on parenting last week and one of his points was teaching your children to do things on their own. He stated that your children should be able to make themselves a meal at the age of seven. I wholeheartedly agree. If your child can’t make a peanut butter sandwich for themselves at seven you need to get on the ball with parenting. When the pastor said that Story was sitting in my lap and she whispered loudly to me, “I know how to make myself food!”
But the blow came from how blessed I really am. My little one was listening to our pastor preach. She heard him and listened. We are blessed enough that we drove the church in our car and heard that message. We are blessed enough to have food in our house. We are blessed enough to have a tv to watch. Today we’ll go eat too much at my in laws. Tomorrow we’ll go eat too much at my mamaws house. My kids will play with cousins and get hugged by relatives.
Does today change everything and mean everything is gonna be just fine? Does it mean next week the school system will realize what it’s done to our family and issue a formal apology? Or that rainbows will magically appear and we will somehow have three million dollars in the bank? Nope, not at all. But it does mean that maybe I’m not such a huge failure at this mom thing and I need to show more gratitude. I need to start trying to see the good as well as be the good.