I went to school in the 80/90s. I was in high school when the Columbine school shooting happened. (If you’re too younge to know that particular incident it’s the first thing to pop up when you google “when was the co”) This was before most cell phones and the school doors were not even locked. We had no idea what happened until we got home and it was all over tv. We got a long weekend bc of it. Our bible club had a prayer around the flag pole and we observed a moment of silence. I don’t remember the words “school shooting” meaning anything before that. Can you imagine? A world before students were massacred? I’m sure unless you graduated before that year you’ll find it hard to imagine.
Now I sit here on the tail end of, personality, the worst school year my children have had so far feeling hopeless and exhausted. Today my husband and I talked to our 14 year old about not watching the video that was shot by a student during the last school shooting. We talked to him, telling him that if someone tried to show him to say “no”. It bothered me when I watched and I’m sure it’s too much for him.
It left me with that feeling after watching a scary movie. I’m jumpy and in my minds eye I see those bodies over and over. I find myself thinking of their parents and their families. I find myself wondering how the people in the room could even respond normally. God bless first responders that see these things everyday. We need them and I’m so grateful for their work. I’m also grateful I don’t have that job.
My son, my 14 year old son, who spent the day home bc his school was canceled due to a threat on social media, listened. Today he spent his day off watching you tube videos on how to make oragami robots. He said he wanted me to be sure to not let anyone watch a video of him if he were dead on the floor. His concern is that I would have to see him bleeding out in a video on the internet. Let that sink in. My 14 year old is worried I will encounter a video of him dead on the floor in his school. That’s where we are as parents. Our children have fears and worries of such horrors.
I haven’t spoken to my girls about this yet. I can’t form the words to tell my six year old that she may not be safe in her school. I can’t seem to find the ability to translate that on a kindergarten level. Every fiber in my body is screaming that my children need to stay home.
I know you can argue that things happen all over and that people die everyday. I can’t argue that they don’t. I can’t tell you we were always safe in our pre 9/11 and pre “trench coat mafia” world. That’s a lie and we all know it. Here is what I can tell you.
Every single day that my children have left to go to school I have about ten to twenty minutes of sheer panic that I pray to God they come home to me and I tell myself I’m doing the right thing by sending them. After this week I don’t think I can believe that lie anymore.